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Art is subjective, but a recently-unveiled statue “honoring” former Las Vegas mayors Oscar and Carolyn Goodman is objectively worse than being jabbed in the eye with a syringe full of molten lava.

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Las Vegas is known to have aggressively awful public art, but this trainwreck makes the Goodmans, mayors of Las Vegas for a quarter century between them (he did 12 years, she did 13), look like Colonel Sanders and Fiona from “Shrek.”

The artist responsible for this disrespectful disaster, Brian Hanlon, should be forced to refund the $750,000 he was paid, the sculpture should be scrapped and some elementary school kid should make a new one because it would have to be better than this clusterfailery.

The 11-foot-tall statue of Oscar and Carolyn Goodman was first revealed Nov. 26, 2024 at Las Vegas City Hall.

There was a lot of hoopla.

We can only imagine the crowd in attendance was as stupefied as we were when first saw this monumental hot mess. Apparently, nobody said anything, presumably because the Goodmans are beloved and the unveiling was all about showing respect and appreciation for their years of public service.

We love and respect the Goodmans, too, which is why we’ll say it: They deserve better.

Carolyn Goodman is unrecognizable in this pitiful attempt at art.

Oscar Goodman’s likeness is a little bit better, but not by a lot.

Presumably, it’s a better approximation to Oscar Goodman because the artist has had some practice with Oscar Goodman. Hanlon did another sculpture of Oscar Goodman on display at the Historic Fifth Street School, wherever that might actually be.

Somebody should’ve raised a red flag about commissioning Hanlon for this gig as he was responsible for another botched sculpture of Oscar Goodman inside Oscar’s Steakhouse at Plaza.

It’s as if Hanlon does all his sculpting with a Shake Weight while riding on a commercial airliner during heavy turbulence while wearing a blindfold.

Seriously, this drawing on the wall of Oscar’s looks more like Oscar than the statue at City Hall.

Hanlon also did the Jerry Tarkanian statue at UNLV. Also a bust, but Tarkanian’s face is partially covered with a towel to avoid people noticing what a dud it is.

As if Hanlon knew his work would be deemed “peak suck,” he did an interview with the local news, explaining, “We had six months to do a sculpture that takes 18 months to build.” Honestly, it looks like it.

How did this statue come to exist? Who signed off? How has nobody stated publicly how awkward it is, along with being supremely disrespectful to the Goodmans and their legacy?

The statue was paid for by something called the Mayor’s Fund for Las Vegas Life. The people who donated to whatever that is (“an independent nonprofit that supports city programs and initiatives”) should ask to speak to a manager, or at least look into the market rate for tar and feathers.

The statue has a written message on its base: “In recognition and gratitude for your 25 years of exceptional leadership and dedication, elevating Las Vegas to new heights.”

The Goodmans did a lot to improve downtown (mayors oversee the City of Las Vegas, which doesn’t include The Strip, that’s Clark County, which doesn’t have a mayor), and these affable folks are a one-two punch of Las Vegas cheerleading and memorable quotes, both good and cringey, but entirely unforgettable.

Oscar Goodman created a brand that transcended the somewhat boring job of mayor, representing mobsters as a lawyer, then saying vandals who use graffiti to deface property should have their thumbs cut off on television. He sort of wasn’t joking.

Like we said, a statue is appropriate, but the one they got? It’s right up there with some of the worst celebrity statues, ever.

Stories about piss-poor depictions of notables like Dwyane Wade and Cristiano Renaldo have gotten worldwide attention. Here are more examples of statue debacles.

The statue of the Goodmans is like the prank Sofia Vergara played on Simon Cowell, but this isn’t, you know, funny.

The Goodmans have been the face of Las Vegas for 25 years, they deserve to have recognizable faces on public art intended to honor them.

We trust the Goodmans are too classy to say their statue should be given a do-over by somebody who will do their 25 years of selfless dedication and leadership justice.

They didn’t even say anything when their bobbleheads were botched!

Again, who’s approving these things?

Here’s more about the Goodmans and their contributions to downtown.

The idea of a statue of the Goodmans was a wonderful gesture. The next wonderful gesture should be the revocation of “artist” Brian Hanlon’s license to carve. We assume that’s a thing.

Stop paying this person for bad art.

And start increasing funding of education in Nevada so people can learn art history so they can discern good art from atrocious art. What gives us the right to say what’s good art or bad? It’s a little something called a Liberal Arts degree. “Arts” is right in the name of it, hello.

We have also been the subject of great art.

Fun fact: Majestic Rep is home to one of the most valuable pieces of art in the world. //t.co/79oh0iM2v1 pic.twitter.com/AEBOM1NWuQ

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) December 9, 2024

There is a glimmer of hope on the horizon. There’s a new Las Vegas art museum in the works. We shared the news about the museum, being driven by the efforts of Elaine Wynn, months before it was announced, of course.

The Las Vegas Museum of Art (LVMA) will be downtown, in Symphony Park, one of the areas where the Goodmans have had a lot of impact in terms of facilitating development. The museum is expected to open in 2028.

The Las Vegas Museum of Art will be a must-visit. It won’t compare to museums in real cities, but it will have actual art, unlike the testament to talentlessness currently outside Las Vegas City Hall.

The pigeons have a new target, and their droppings can only improve this failed attempt at paying tribute to two Las Vegas legends.

There’s a new mayor, Shelley Berkley, but things will never be quite the same. Las Vegas without a Goodman as mayor is like José Feliciano’s bank account would be if there were no Christmas.

Update (12/20/24): They’re not wrong.

Could be worse….. pic.twitter.com/AaNrX0nT0O

— Mark S (@Sugarortweetner) December 20, 2024

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The post Mayors Goodman “Honored” With Mortifying Statue and Nobody’s Talking About It appeared first on Vital Vegas.

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We have seen some dumb lawsuits. One moron actually sued Venetian because a scorpion stung him in the testicle. We are not making this up.

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Now, however, we are witnessing peak stupid. A class action lawsuit has been filed against IGT, maker of Wheel of Fortune slot machines, claiming the game’s wheel is “rigged” and “doesn’t operate pursuant to the laws of physics.”

The profoundly idiotic lawsuit was filed Nov. 21, 2024 in the U.S. District Court in Nevada. The rumor is after it was submitted to the court, a clerk, two bailiffs and a judge were hospitalized briefly for internal bleeding resulting from spontaneous, convulsive laughter.

This, friends, is why our legal system is FUBAR.

The lawsuit takes a shotgun approach to ambulance-chasing, as it not only names IGT, but also some casinos that have Wheel of Fortune slots: MGM Resorts, Bally’s Corp., Penn, Station Casinos and Boyd.

Plaintiffs in the case include MENSA members from Las Vegas, Detroit, Rhode Island and Mississippi. Mississippi was the real shocker.

The lawsuit asserts the Wheel of Fortune bonus wheel is “deceptive” because “the outcome is predetermined by an internal computer that defendants have programmed to ensure the wheel stops much more frequently with the indicator pointing at one of the segments with a lower monetary amount.”

Wait.

Slot machine wins are determined by computers and not pure chance?

Slot machines make gamblers think they have a better chance of winning than they actually do?

Slot machines are made to take in more than they pay out?

String them up!

Sigh. We’ll type this slowly for the “lawyer” who filed this frivolous lawsuit: All slot machines in modern casinos have internal computers. The outcome of wagers is determined by a “random number generator” or “RNG.”

Everything you can see on a slot machine is for show, including the reels. The reels have nothing to do with the outcome of your bet or spin or hand.

Ditto the wheel. Ditto the firecrackers. Ditto the pigs. Ditto the buffalos. Ditto the sounds and lights and hoopla.

The bonus wheel on Wheel of Fortune is displaying the results of the RNG-determined outcome. It’s not “rigged.” Casinos don’t have to cheat, they have a built-in advantage based upon math.

The RNG is our robot overlord, and all the rest is bells and whistles. You know, marketing. And possibly brainwashing. Depending upon who you ask.

Wheel Whisperer™ should be a thing. pic.twitter.com/ZWelD1Zi9O

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) October 3, 2018

In casinos, even the completely “random” games aren’t “random.” Yes, your dice roll is random, but the payouts for that roll ensure the casino gets a bite even if you win. The chance of rolling “snake eyes” (two) in craps is 36-to-1, but the payout is 30-to-1. That difference between the true odds and what the casino pays is called the “vig.” A roulette spin on a straight-up number should pay 38-to-1 on a double zero wheel (36 numbers, two zeroes), but it pays 35-to-1. The casino do take a bite, don’t she?

As with so many asinine lawsuits, this one isn’t about logic or being right or even the law. It’s a money grab. A Hail Mary to see if anyone with deep pockets (and insurance) will settle just to get rid of this masturbatory exercise in judicial bottom-feeding.

Nonsense lawsuits like this clog up our legal system and encourage other nitwits to blame big business for their own poor judgment and misfortune.

Slot machines and gambling are completely voluntary. They are also highly regulated.

Wheel of Fortune is arguably the most successful slot machine in history, and it’s an absolute blast.

Fun fact: There are about 250 variations of the Wheel of Fortune slot machine.

Las Vegas was built on the illusion of winning, and many people actually do. Win, that is.

Casinos are still businesses, however. They’ve gotten more expensive in recent years, in part due to cerebrally flatlined lawyers trying to make nothing into a windfall.

We hope the defendants will fight the good fight until this lawsuit is tossed and the lawyer for the plaintiff is tarred and feathered in a public square. Although, living in Reno might be punishment enough.

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The post Wheel of Fortune Slot Maker Sued in Dumbest Lawsuit, Ever appeared first on Vital Vegas.

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We hate being wrong, but new documents submitted to the Las Vegas Stadium Authority Board make it clear $1.75 billion (previously $1.5 billion, please keep up) in financing for the A’s ballpark on the former Tropicana site is completely in place, an iron-clad, guaranteed 110% done deal.

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The documents will be presented to the Las Vegas Stadium Authority Board on Dec. 5, 2024.

The board meeting agenda, however, is 706 pages long. We took the liberty of extracting the relevant pages for you, including a document that has not been seen yet by the public.

If you’re unfamiliar with what’s happened with the A’s potential move to Las Vegas, here’s an overview: The A’s are presumably moving to Las Vegas, but they need a place to play. To-date, details of the financing of the ballpark have been fuzzy, and some (mainly us) have been very skeptical of the ballpark being built in Las Vegas at all.

The Dec. 5, 2024 Las Vegas Stadium Authority meeting will put any lingering doubts about the ballpark financing to rest!

Included in the 706-page board meeting agenda are four key documents: 1) A letter from Goldman Sachs and U.S. Bank committing to a $300 million loan to the A’s and its owner, John Fisher. 2) A letter from John Fisher committing up to $1 billion to the project. 3) A letter from Athletics StadCo confirming funding is sufficient to move forward with the ballpark. 4) A letter from U.S. Bank stating the Fisher family has the resources to contribute $1 billion to the project.

Here are the documents from the agenda so you can see for yourself the rock solid foundation upon which the A’s move to Las Vegas is built.

Letter 1 is from Goldman Sachs and U.S. Bank.

Letter 2 is from A’s owner John Fisher.

Letter 3 is from Athletics StadCo, an entity created to handle the private capital investment. Basically, it’s the A’s, but with a deeper voice and fake mustache.

Letter 4 comes from U.S. Bank. Yes, the first letter also came from U.S. Bank, but this presentation needs to be bulletproof to fend off haters, so this letter further seals the deal.

So, there you have it.

The A’s ballpark is fully funded and anyone who questions that absolutely indisputable fact is clearly hopped up on the devil’s cabbage.

Because we are known for providing scoop, we also dug up another document that was omitted from the agenda for some reason.

While the documents on the Las Vegas Stadium Authority Board meeting agenda answer any and all possible questions about funding of the ballpark, there are still some teensy questions remaining related to the project. Like how much the cost of the ballpark will go up if the A’s have to pay for infrastructure when Bally’s Corp. bails on its planned resort on the site. Teensy. Also, what does “subject to customary conditions” mean? It’s attached to literally every financial commitment for this ballpark. If something goes awry, which it definitely won’t, is that intended to be a catch-all phrase meaning “Oopsie”?

But questions are for another time.

For now, we can all rest easy that the financing is in place for the A’s ballpark and John Fisher is fully committed to pouring a third of his wealth (while handing over at least $200 million to the IRS when he cashes in his GAP stock) into a questionable enterprise with fantastical estimates of attendance and revenue, as opposed to the ludicrous idea he could sell the team so Las Vegas could start dealing with an owner who’s serious about an MLB team in Las Vegas.

It’s just that kind of forward-looking financial genius and commitment that is the hallmark of John Fisher, a major league baseball team owner who won over the hearts of A’s fans in Oakland. Fans, we should mention, who inspire us to continue to cover this story despite our sort of being over it, already.

We can’t wait to see what the Sacramento A’s have in store next, and shame on us for ever doubting this stellar organization and its owner, billionaire John Fisher, who, we assume, enjoys satire (protected by the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution) as much as the next person.

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The post New Documents Confirm A’s Ballpark Financing is 110% Done Deal appeared first on Vital Vegas.

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If there’s a heaven, we’re pretty sure it’s populated mainly with dogs.

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A beloved Chihuahua, Mr. Piffles, featured in Flamingo’s comedy-magic “Piff the Magic Dragon” show, has died just shy of his 17th birthday. Mr. Piffles passed on Nov. 8, 2024.

In honor of the pup, Flamingo will open “Mr. Piffles’ Magical Playground,” a dog-friendly space at the Strip hotel.

Piff (nee John van der Put) has worked with Mr. Piffles for 15 years.

This quote from van der Put from the announcement of the passing of Mr. Piffles was sweet, “For over 15 years I’ve had the privilege and the pleasure of being upstaged and outshone night after night by Mr. Piffles. He came into my life when I had nothing, and set me on the path to a career I could only dream of. In the beginning, I may have rescued him, but in the end, he rescued me.”

He meant “more than 15 years,” not “over,” but he’s grieving.

We interviewed van der Put a while back for our annual podcast, and he said, “Come for the dog, stay for the magic.”

One of our favorite Mr. Piffles moments was when Donny Osmond sang “Puppy Love” to the perpetually nonplussed pooch.

Happy 15th birthday to Mr. Piffles, trusty companion of @ThePiff. In honor of the occasion, @DonnyoOsmond sang “Puppy Love. @FlamingoVegas pic.twitter.com/6VlXMhZF7G

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) November 15, 2022

While Mr. Piffles has shaken off this mortal coil, planning for his retirement and inevitable end has been in the works for some time.

Van der Put spent $60,000 cloning Mr. Piffles, so the clone (now two years old) will take Mr. Piffle’s spot in the show at Flamingo. Van der Put calls his new partner Mr. Piffles 2.0, but also “Fortune,” because he cost so much to clone.

We are not making this up. It was on TMZ, so it has to be true.

When we spoke with van der Put, he said he had two back-up Mr. Piffles. Mark our words, in the future, there will be a cyborg Mr. Piffles.

This is one of the Mr. Piffles stunt doubles back in 2021.

Exclusive photo of Mr. Piffles stunt double, and pet dragon. @thepiff pic.twitter.com/5D9nz2OgAm

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) May 16, 2021

Anyway, Flamingo and Piff are making the most of this tragic loss by turning it into a marketing opportunity. It’s Las Vegas, after all.

As mentioned, “The Flamingo will hold a special ceremony on Wednesday, Nov. 13, 2024 at 5:00 p.m. celebrating the life and legacy of Mr. Piffles with the opening of ‘Mr. Piffles’ Magical Playground.’ In a heartfelt tribute, the resort will dedicate this dog-friendly space to the memory of Mr. Piffles on what would have been his 17th birthday.”

Here’s a sneak preview.

You can come and sit with Mr Piffles in the new Mr Piffles Magical Playground. @VitalVegas @LasVegasLocally pic.twitter.com/xMZ0bWMxQc

— 🍒Whiskey Fever🍒 (@KerryBilicki) November 14, 2024

It’s worth noting literally all of the references to Mr. Piffles in the news release are like a pregnant girlfriend. No periods. Possibly because “Mr” was his legal first name?

It’s also worth noting Mr. Piffles was the first and only animal to have ever received the Key to the Las Vegas Strip, other than David Copperfield.

Our sincere condolences to van der Put and his wife, showgirl-slash-sidekick Jade Simone, for their loss.

In the words of Agnes Sligh Turnbull, whomever that might be, “Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.”

Update (11/19/24): We started feeling sad about Mr. Piffles, so we wrote a song (with the help of A.I.), naturally.

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The post Strip Headliner Mr. Piffles Goes to Great Dog Park in the Sky appeared first on Vital Vegas.

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Just when you thought the cavalcade of horseshit was finally over for the former Wet ‘n Wild water park site after All-Net Arena was euthanized, it continues with the release of renderings for yet another Strip resort project that’s never, ever going to happen: LXVP.

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