{"id":39140,"date":"2024-02-07T16:37:31","date_gmt":"2024-02-08T00:37:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.rjvxnlsm.shop\/vitalvegas\/?p=39140"},"modified":"2024-02-07T17:01:03","modified_gmt":"2024-02-08T01:01:03","slug":"everyone-gets-amnesia-mariah-carey-announces-new-vegas-residency","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rjvxnlsm.shop\/vitalvegas\/everyone-gets-amnesia-mariah-carey-announces-new-vegas-residency\/","title":{"rendered":"Everyone Gets Amnesia, Mariah Carey Announces New Vegas Residency"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

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Las Vegas was built on eternal optimism and short memories, and few things illustrate this better than the announcement nobody was clamoring for: Mariah Carey will perform a mini-residency at Park MGM.<\/p>\n

Mariah’s Carey’s new slate of shows will run from April 12-27, 2024 in the Dolby Live theater.<\/p>\n

We are here to provide context. Specifically, the part where her previous Las Vegas residencies were a hilarious disaster, including reports of calamitous ticket sales and mortifying diva behavior. Let’s talk about the things nobody else is talking about, shan’t we?<\/p>\n

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We’re including the word “parody” in this photo caption so any lawyers can proceed directly to sucking our fat one, all due respect.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The actual show name at Park MGM is “Mariah Carey: The Celebration of Mimi Live in Las Vegas.”<\/p>\n

“Mimi,” of course, is Mariah Carey’s nickname. That’s right. Mariah Carey’s residency is a celebration of herself.<\/p>\n

Nothing we make up about Mariah Carey could be as cringeworthy as the actual Mariah Carey.<\/p>\n

First, we have to get some similes and metaphors our of our system.<\/p>\n

Mariah’s Carey’s previous Las Vegas residencies flopped like a retired porn star on a pogo stick. Her residencies took more hits than Snoop Dogg. She sank faster than a snitch wearing osmium clogs tossed in Lake Mead by the Chicago Outfit. (Osmium is the densest naturally occurring element on Earth. Please keep up.) Carey’s show was knocked more than the door of a Pahrump brothel during CES. She was crucified like Ariarathes I of Cappadocia. (Do you even have access to the Internet?) Mariah Carey was slammed more than the fridge door at a sumo training stable. Her show shit the bed like Amber Heard after a visit to Taco Bell.<\/p>\n

Thanks for letting us purge.<\/p>\n

So, back in 2018, we shared this Tweet. It sort of sums up what we’ve been trying to convey with our slightly outdated pop culture and esoteric historical references.<\/p>\n

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Leaked photo from Mariah Carey's show in Las Vegas. pic.twitter.com\/9ZWyTfoq2g<\/a><\/p>\n

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) July 6, 2018<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n